Unhealed scars heal
by Crapbag
Summary: Can dark and twisty have a chance to be happy? I think so, but it's more complicated then you think. Definetly a story well worth reading and if you don't think so, REVIEW. MerDer
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Hello all of you! I'm a total Meredith fan, yay! So of course I'm writing about her. Here is why she is so dark and twisty, and lots of explanations. So read and review, please.. It helps me and I think you would like to have reviews. This is set out after the finale ( season 3) and I have angst about how it all ended. I have no idea how Shonda will be able to build up everthing again, but I bow for her, cause she's so good at writing! **

**And I have angst about George! He didn't pass the test. What is he going to do now? **

**But most inportant: Lexie GREY!!!!! I hate her. Ok, i haven't seen her side of the story yet but if she threatens MerDer , I will stop seeing. And If they will get to getter I will no longer have faith in Shonda. And this is a sort of MerDer, well ok it is. I don't know if I should continue with this.. It was sopossed to be a 1 capter Mer's POV but it's a little cliff hanger at the end. For thoose who choose to see it. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of it's content **

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**Unhealed scars. **

"Do you think I want to be this person.. this horrible, black, beaten up person who lets go on life in an atempt to save it?"

**Never again will I hear you **

**Never again will I miss you **

**Never again will I fall to you **

**Never... **

A photograf with a surrounding steel cool frame had been taken from the usual place, hidden in one Meredith's drawers, and was now glaring right in front of it's owner. The woman on the picture, Ellis Grey, was as hard looking as the frame, with a sterilized expression, holding a small, blond child in a loose grip. The picture had been taken by her husband, Thatcher Grey. It was before he had left, before Meredith and her mothers move to Boston and before Meredith had a first ,mouthfull, taste of loneliness in it's highest grade. The picture had been taken when they were a happy family... Okay she was lying if she said that, with the whole affair her mother had and the long working hours at the hospital, part of it caused by the affair, wich led to her mothers absent. But when her mother hadn't been there, her dad had. He would take her out to buy ice-cream as often as they could, and go visit the zoo too. When Meredith was little, she had a dream to become a zoo-keeper, animal doctor. That dream was cold blooded killed when her father left her and her mother. That ment no more zoo trips, or ice-creams. Really it wasn't the things she missed, it was her father. The worst part of it all must have been the way her mother had acted afterwards. All though Meredith was still a small child, she could almost feel a sensation of releif from her. As for Meredith self, she was devestated. She couldn't understand why her dad had left her. That was the first scar that's ingraved in her soul, stubburn not to heal, still hadn't healed.

**She don't run from the sun no more **

**She boxed her Shadow and she won Said, **

**"I can see you laugh through these bottle caps**

**And this wire around my neck ain't there for fun **

"You let him walk. You were glad not to see his accusing face everytime you got home from the hospital. Because you knew he knew, because you knew you were to reck a whole marriage without having any guilt about it. The problem was, you hadn't thought about me, any of you. That was the first time I had felt invisable, unwanted and helpless. So from there, everything had started to fall on you. Big pieces of hurt rained down on your head, threatening to make you fall on the ground. The one man you truly loved had turned his back on you, cowerdly, he had run back to his wife, leaving you to ride the one mans carousel. You were forced to stuck with your daughter that you barely knew, you couldn't just leave her, think about your reputation, no! Instead you moved away, fled from your former life, hoping to turn a new chapter. But you had no clue in how to raise a child, truthfully, women like you shouldn't have kids, so you hid in your work, the big love of your life. Hey, that's what babysitters for right? All thoose nights I spent alone, not that it was a problem once I got used to it, while you where digging your own grave by working non-stop. I had come to visit you once or twice, wich proves how desperate I was for your agnolishment. In avoidence, you deserve a goldmedal, I learned from the best. "

**Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk **

**Because of you I learned to play on the safe side**

**So I don't get hurt **

**Because of you I find it hard to trust **

**Not only me, but everyone around me **

**Because of you I am afraid **

Meredith sighs to herself as she stops talking, feeling silly as she is talking to a photo."Oh god, I'm turning crazy" she thinks to herself. She is acctually talking to the woman in the photo, saying all the things she wishes she had but just couldn't. And in her mind, she imagines her mother listening, from "the other side, sort of speaking".

The day had taken its toll on Meredith, every inch in her body screamed for rest. Not like she had run a marathon or something, more of a psychic exhaustion. Once again, her dreams have been destroid, ruined and wiped cleen from her head in a secound.

" Damn!" She had been very carefull not to make dreams, get hopes and expectation. Once again she had been broken. An end of a chapter, the next completely blank, half ripped and burned at the edges. But now, she wasn't alone about it. In one day, Cristina had also been broken, probably more then herself seeing as Meredith had experience.

" How sad that sound really", she thinks to herself. "I don't want to have experience, I want to be able to brake down without having to go through any barriers or climb any protecting walls. I want to be able to be vulnurable and open. I want to be able to be free...!"

**I let myself fall**

**I let myself fall **

**I let myself fall **

**In love with you **

Snapping back to reality, she had to think of her person. The one you have an unwritten law to look after no matter how crappy you might feel. Dialing the number to Cristina's, and former Burke's, appartment she wondered what Cristina might be dooing. Seeing it was early at night, and she knew Cristina wasn't sleeping, she considered the possibility of Cristina returning to work. In one word, surgeon, you could describe Cristina. She lived for the surgeries, no that would not describe it, she embolished it with her heart and soul. But the maximum eighty hours shift forced her to go home, sleep and well... nothing else. A surgery addict we call it.

**2 AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake **

**Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? **

**I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season. **

**Yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes **

**Like they have any right at all to criticize Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same** reason.

"Erm, hello?" A thick voice full of sleep wispers in the other end of the phone and Meredith suddenly feel bad for disturbing her. Maybe Cristinas way of handeling this was to sleep, and not to lay awake, thinking about everything unbearable.

"Cristina, it's Meredith, how are you?"

"Oh..(sniffles) I _was_ fine, sleeping actually, until some crazy lady woke me up in the middle of the night for no aparent reason. And you?"

Meredith smiles when she hears Cristinas normal sarcastic tone. Taking time deciding how to answer ,Cristina with no pattience and a creepy way of guessing thinks, as usual, goes again saying: "Oh,... now I know why you called, you wan't to talk about all of this, and of course, the favorite subject : Derek." Her jokely tone stays on.

"Yeah well if you want to get back to sleep, ignoring the crazy lady, fine by me."

"Nah, I've been sleeping for a while anyway and since I'm not alowed to be at the hospital tomorrow, I might as well waste some time helping my dear friend with all her guy problems. Poor little Meredith who gets all the guys."

Cristina was careful to avoid the terms of why she wasn't alowed to work tomorrow, mainly because tomorrow should have been her honeymoon, and jokes on instead. Meredith hears that and respectfully agrees in their silent understanding about not talking of Burke or the called off wedding.

"Okay, so I broke of with Derek. And..."

" And you feel like crap because you let that happen..God Meredith, you should really get a life."

"Hey no judgements, remember?"

"Sorry, I will behave, go on..."

"Well, I don't know.. He said he loved me, so much that he couldn't walk away. He said that I should put him out of his missery. I mean, this was what I feared all along. He gets hurt beeing around me, everyone gets hurt beeing around me..." The last words she mutteres under her breath and have a flashback..

**So I try to hold on **

**On to a time when nothing mattered **

**And I can't explain what happened **

**And I can't erase the things that I've done **

_flashback: _

_"Meredith?" _

_"I'm... I'm so sorry.. We did everything we could but..." _

_"Oh god no! Not her! She was everything to me, EVERYTHING!" _

_Thatcher raise his hand and hits Meredith hard in the face. But she couldn't feel anything, she had numbed. She had destoid her father's life, Susan had died in her care. It was her fault. _

_end of flashback_

"Oh come on! Did he say that, uh, he's so... I could just... Should I talk to him?"

"No! Cristina, that won't solve anything..." Meredith hurry to answer. In Cristina's condition, she would probably kill him, boss or not.

" Meredith, I know that you think your dark and twisty, and I'm not saying you are wrong about it. But have you ever thought that you hide in that, blames it when something goes wrong and runs like hell away from everyone so they don't get hurt, or you?" There was a long silent in the phone as Meredith let the words sink in.

"I didn't know you could be so deep sometimes, huh."

"Thanks for that and I blame that on the excessive amont of boring tv I've had today, involving Dr.Phil, and by the way, if you ever tell any one about that..."

" I know, I'm dead, sliced up by a scalpel and hung up in a tree."

"Good." Meredith could hear a smirk in Cristina's voice. Avoiding the rule she says :

"Cristina, do you think you and Burke will get another chance?"

There followed a silence, Meredith almost thought Cristina had hung up on her when she answered :

"I don't know, I don't even know where he is. He said that I changed, truth was, I felt it myself. So how can I be with him, and still be me? I admit it, I love him. But is it worth the effort?" That was more of a question to herself, and it hit Meredith, suddenly she knew what to do.

"I don't now the answer to that 'cause it's something you have to figure out for your self, but one thing I do know. I have somewhere I have to be."

**Well, it's been almost a year to the moment **

**When I finally realized it was over **

**And I knew that love wasn't good enough **

**Of a reason for me to stay **

Cristina grunts in responce and they say goodbye. Meredith change clothes, from sweatpants to her best pair of jeans and her favourite black sweater. She freshens up on her make-up and gets her carkeys. She's going out for a drive.

**You'll be the road, **

**Rollin' below **

**The wheels of a car. **

**All of your thoughts are... **

The rain is throbbing down on the city, you almost thought it was flushing away the land. In the moment of hurry, Meredith forgets her umbrella and runs as fast as she can to the car. Of course, the lock is sopossed to be stubburn and won't open until the fourth try. Allthough she's fast inside her car, she's compleatly soaked. The smell of damp and metallic rain fills the air in the small car.

"God I love the rain." she thinks to herself. That was one of the thing she missed the most when the moved. Allthough it rained in Boston too, there were no conparement to Seattle's rain. As a child, she could stand for hours outside, feeling the cool drops on her skin. With the rain came many new games such as saving the tiny worms from beeing drowned in the rain. All ready back there, it had been clear to the seeing eye Meredith would become a doctor as her mother. Though Meredith's mother didn't approve at all, and that was probably the fun of it, she had choose The Medical program after highschool, and found herself in the course of it.

**It's pouring rain **

**It's pouring rain **

**Rain drops keep falling on my head**

The drive wasn't long, it was a well known drive. It's hard to barely see the ground in the rain. If she hadn't walked this path so many times before, she would've fallen. But she was focused, and knew exactly what she were to do. The small lamp hanging on the trailers roof gives some more light as she steps on the porch. The trailer is lit inside so Derek is probably awake. Of old habbit, Meredith grabs the dorrknob and push it down when she remebered the last time she had done that, the time she'd met Nancy, Derek's bitchy sister. So instead of going in, she knocks on the door. The nerves settles in here stomach as she thinks about what she's just about to say. "Here goes nothing." she thinks before the door opens to reveal Derek. He looks as tired as ever, she could have svore he'd cry. He was still waring his shirt and pants since the wedding. But even though he looked like, as Cristina would've said, crap, he was as gorgeos as ever, with that hurt look in his face that all the girl would fall for.

"Hi." She said short, nervously and surpressed the urge to bite her lower lip.

"Hello Mer." The hurt in his vioce shot daggers through Meredtih and she could feel her legs bend. He looked truly surprised to see her here. "He thought I'd never come back." she thought to herself and mentally kicked herself for being such a jerk. A chilly wind blows through and Meredith trembles from the cold and wet clothes she's wearing. Derek see this too.

"Your freezing" he establish and makes a gesture for her to come in.

"Yeah, It's raining" She informs and thanks him when she steps in the small but comfterable warm trailer. She sits down on one of the kitchenchairs, Derek sits heavily down opposite to her. As he stares at her she exhailes the air she'd been holding.

"I have something I want to say, so if you would just please listen to me. You don't have to say anything, or do anything or anything. I'm going to tell you what I have to say and then I can go..." She starts to ramble but slows down and her hands in her fists. Nervously she awaits for his answer.

"Why would he want to hear me talk? He offered everything to me and I broke it off, I broke down him. He will probably tell me to go. But I really need to say this." She looks up at Derek and sees that he'd been looking at her, considering what to do. They lock eyes for a secound before Derek brakes by looking away. Meredith prepares herself to go when he says:

" Okay. You can say what you want. But I just... I thought we have broken up. I don't think there is anything left to say."

A feeling of releif runs to her body and in her head a voice says :" Take the chance. Be free."

Outloud she says: "I have many scars. Because I'm dark and twisty. Dark and Twisty people don't deserve happieness, or at least that's what I've always thought. But I realise, that I've been hiding behind it. If I don't have dreams then I won't loose them. That _was_ my philosophy. But I realise that it doesn't work that way. I don't want to be alone, having all of this barriers and protecting walls around me. I don't want having regrets how I've lived my life. I don't want to loose the love of my life, the person who probably could know me more then anyone. The person who has left me before, but have come back. The person I feel so strong for that it's making me mad. The person who fills me up, the one and only who completes me. And I've had him and been happy, but my walls has still been on. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I seem to do. I don't want you, the other part of me, get hurt. I don't want to ruin you like my mother did with my father. The day I fell in, I fought at first, thinking about you made me strong enough to arise from the dark water. They say that one's life passes review when your dying. And I saw my life, the water oppened all my unhealed scars and I bled. Even then I thought of you, how you were to be better of without me, the slutty intern who was stopping you from beeing chief, the person who made your life a lot harder. You didn't deserve it. So I choose the cowerd way, I fled back into the dark. The world would be a better place without me. But subconcious, it hurt as hell when I thought about you. I knew I was letting everybody down when I choose to stop fighting. Then I got a secound chance, and I'm grateful. But since then I've followed everyone else stories, so I didn't do wrong in the time I've gotten. But I continued to do wrong, I killed Susan and ruined my father's life. And instead of going to you, I fled to my friends. I was afraid of how you judged me, the messed up girl with such a crappy life that you would leave me. Cause I saw how my mother got to you, she has a talent in doing so. I laid my problems on my friends in away to protect you. And once again, I failed. So here I am, taking the consequence of my actions for the first time instead of running away. You of all people deserves an explanation."

_**You see the smile that's on my mouth **_

_**It's hiding the words that don't come out **_

_**And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed **_

_**They don't know my head is a mess **_

_**No, they don't know who I really am **_

_**And they don't know what I've been through like you do **_

_**And I was made for you **_

_**All of these lines across my face **_

_**Tell you the story of who I am **_

_**So many stories of where I've been **_

_**And how I got to where I am**_

_**But these stories don't mean anything **_

_**When you've got no one to tell them to It's true...**_

_**I was made for you**_

Meredith inhailed to get some fresh air, the room was full of stinking sorrow and hurt. She had stopped looking at Derek when she talked, as it was to hard for her to open up. But she was also proud of herself, she had grown up. But she knew that Derek was still in pain, after all, she felt the same. So to release him from anymore torture long speaches, she stood up and made a leap to go when she felt a warm hand on her arm. She closed her eyes and saved the feeling of his touch in her mind, so that she could remeber when she was lying in her cold bed alone , or seeing him at the hospital.

"God, this is going to hurt." she thought to herself and felt the pain of the torn out piece in her heart. All the days she was going to see him, knowing she was no longer his. Never feeling his skin on hers again. Never falling a sleep with him cuddeling near. Never feeling his hands in hers. She had been dead before, actually dead, but this felt more like dying then anything she'd ever felt.

**When you're gone **

**The pieces of my heart are missing you **

**When you're gone **

**The face I came to know is missing too **

**When you're gone **

**The words I need to hear to always get me through the day **

**And make it okay**

**I miss you **

"I'm sorry. For hurting you. For dying on you. For letting you down." She wispers as she look up at him, tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. She expect to find only his eyes hurt, but there was a sort of calm. She isn't sure but it almost look like a bit of happieness hidden there too. Yes, she could see it. A warm feeling spread in her stomach, she also feel calm. This was enough. If they weren't together, she would always see him anyway, see all of the things she loved about him, the smile that was once cocky and full of confidence had become more deep and softened a bit, his tangled hair, his smell.

"Thank you, for saying all of that. I've been waiting for this a long time. I will always love you, but it takes to in a relationship. And yes you hurt me, when you gave up. But I've hurt you too, when I left. We've hurt each other both of us, but we've come back. Remember; even when you yell or I yell, I will always come back."

She suddenly didn't feel for the drive home, not yet. This was one of thoose moments she had to remember. The rain hadn't stopped either, almost to say : Stay, make things right. So she sat back down and sighed. The scars seemed to slowely heal in his presence.

**When I'm with you **

**You take my pain away**

**Heal my scars**

**Make my day**

**Without you **

**I will brake **

**Fall down**

**Drown in the lake**

**So stay with me**

**and heal my scars**

"When did we become like this? I remember a cocky attending who persisted in dating me. A man who had suvived his wifes affair, and wore his good looking redshirt at the bar. Life seemed to be a lot easier back then. What happened? "

"We got older, we learned. One year in Seattle is more to remember then eleven married years in New York. And that's a big city! I blame it on the rain, it ages you. It's not natural to rain this much. "

Derek's voice was light and Meredith relaxed. It was a long time ago since they had one of theese light converations. All of the other seemed forgotten, flushed away in the rain. This was Meredith's best choice since Medschool, to open up. She finally realised what a relationship ment, not just the physical like the hand holding or the sex, the mental like talking and comfort each other.

"I kind of like though, there's a lot you could do in the rain."

"Oh yeah, like what?" he teased.

"Um.. running, get wet, playing ocean in the waterpools." She grinned. " Besides, it's real cosy hearing the water pat the roof. When I was a kid, my nanny said it was god's angels who came down to visit the humans. I always thought that angels have big feet because they made so much noise."

At that comment Derek chuckled and Meredith joined him, drowning the sound of the rain. As they stopped, they looked in a daised at each other.

" It was a long time since we were this happy." established Meredith.

" Yeah" said Derek still looking at her

Suddenly her phone ringed and terminated the silence. It was Izzie, but she clicked the call away.

"So... I should probably be heading home right now, seeing as both of us got work to do in the morning."

"Yes, you probably should. " Derek said but didn't brake the eye contact. Either of them moved from their places, just sitting, staring at each other's eyes. Both wanting to hold on to the moment.

"I'll go now." Thoose words had been used recently but in another scene. Like the last time, it was a little sad, not knowing if she'd be here again. Derek followed her to the door but didn't open it. Every atoms in their bodies screamed for each other. The hall was small, just about big enogh for to people standing next to each other, barely. So when Meredith opens the door to step out, she brushes past Derek, wich was unberable for both of them. Derek grabs Meredith in a hungery way and kisses her with all the love he has. Meredith does the same, the most meaningfull kiss they've shared. Sadness strikes them, thinking about never feeling each others lips again, never going to have kisses like this with anyone else. As they brake off and Meredith steps out of the trailor, tears are running down her cheeks. She wouldn't want anything else then to be with Derek again, to make her his. But Derek smiles, full of cocky and confidence.

" See you tomorow!" Meredith see the promise in his eyes.

"Yeah, tomorow." Tomorow will be a new day, and it will inclued Derek. And she will do everything in her power to make him hers. They will be Meredith and Derek again. They had never really stopped.

**Tomorow's a new day. **

**A new day with you .**

**Tomorow's a new day.**

**A new day with us. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: So this is just basically the second part, if you have the energy to continue reading. I just had to get this out of me. And this is the last and finale part. Enjoy, and REVIEW! **

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"_Beep Beep Beep Beep_"

The sound of the the alarm clock filled the room. A hand stretched out to turn it of. It got quiet, you could hear the birds outside the window, drilling a new morning welcome. Meredith turned her focus towards the big window where the first sunbeams where filling the room with a pleseant light. You could never guess 4:30 could be so peaceful. A small smile spread across Meredith's face as she climbed of her bed. The usual hangover had been replaced by a calmness in her stomach, a slight sence of excitment. It was the first time in a long time she felt out rested. Today had alot of things happening; The first day of her residency at Seattle Grace Hospital. That means, no more bottom of the food-chain, no more observing sugeries and no more running arrends for the Attendings. Mark was driving her crazy with all kinds of different task he would put her to, like picking up his dry-cleaning or buying him a particular sandwich, just so that she would get to scrub in on a surgery. Now, she would get to do her own surgeries, there would be new interns to boss around with. The sence of freedom was overvelming, although that was not what was conqureing her stomach right now. It was the thought of Derek beeing there, them working together on a case. Perhaps she would eat with him. It is almost like in highschool when you know that the guy you so totally have been checking out, is going to be there today as well. And you are going to see him, perhaps even touch him. And maybe, maybe he would look back at you, see what you were thinking about and feel the same way too.

She stopped herself as she was going way too far with this whole perky highschool-crush thing and headed towards the bathroom to take a relaxing shower. But on her way there, she couldn't stop herself from feeling like she was floating.

The feeling of the hot water running down her body made her shiver of pleasure. Suddenly the bathroom-door flung open and a hangovered Izzie kneeled infront of the toilet to empty the stomach from all the vodka shots last night. Meredith quickly turned of the water, wrapped herself in her bathrobe and helped her friend in need. Tears came streaming down Izzies face as she layed down on the floor. She was wearing the same clothes as last night, probably collapsed on the bed as soon as she got in. The pretty make-up she'd layed yesterday had smeered out and Meredith slowly wiped it away as Izzie's hands trembled in her lap.

"This is why I hate drinking!" she managed to say between her sobs. Meredith nodded symhpatically and layed down beside her.

"Late night, huh? I know this isn't the right time to say this but... Bailey is going to kill you if you look like that when you get to the hospital."

"I'm not working today." Izzie hurried to answered and shook her head slowly.

"But it's our first day as residents! You don't look _that_ bad, if you just take a nice warm shower and..."

"No!" Izzie cut her of. "I don't feel so good.. Besides, who is going to check on Cristina?"

Meredith almost argued that, saying Cristina could take care of herself and probably needed to be alone, but maybe she did want some company. To Izzies relief, Meredith nodded and said she would tell Bailey that she didn't feel so good and was staying home. After that Izzie was quiet and Meredith gave her some space. Instead she went down to make some coffee, and she met wreck number two;

"Good morning sunshine!" She grinned at the look of Alex, sitting by the table and drinking his third cup of coffee, his hair spreading out from all kinds of angles.

"Ha ha, very funny "Dark and Twisty"!" He made a ugly face at her.

"Ah, evil spawn. To early for a sence of humor? I take it things got pretty wild last night?" Meredith raised an eyebrow and sipped her hot coffee.

"Are you jealous? Cause I'll tell you we missed our favourite drunkie." He made a sweeping movement of a bottle in his hand and drinking the contents.

"Mean while I'm not the one looking like crap with a huge hang-over on our first day as a residents." At that, Alex hurried of to the bathroom for some major freshen up while Meredith peacefully got dressed and got in the car. At the last minute Alex came rushing down the stairs with a travellers mug in his hand.

"Where is Izzie." He asked.

"Cursing all of the vodka shots last night I guess."

At a nurse station, an irritated Bailey was waiting; "Grey, Karev. Where is Stevens?"

"She didn't feel so good today so she's staying home."

"All right. Today there is going to be chaos. Dr. Burke and Dr. Montgomery has both left Seattle Grace, there are new interns and those of you who passed the internship are today residents. Don't expect any praise from me just because you've made it this far, you still have bosses so don't get cocky. Oh, and the one who is going to have interns is Stevens, but as she isn't here, Grey, you will take them for today."

Then there was silence, as if they hadn't heard what Bailey had said. Addison had left Seattle Grace. So had Burke. Plus, Meredith was supossed to "babysit" Izzies interns. And where was George?

"Well don't just stand there, move people!" Bailey turned her back on them and started walking away. Meredith hurried to follow.

"Um, where is George?" Bailey turned to face Meredith, which almost made her crash into Meredith and gave her a stearn eye before answerering.

"George has ... taken some time of, to figure things out. You haven't talked to him?"

"No.. I saw him last night, at the wedding but..."

"Fine." Bailey turned her back again and quickened her pace. As they got to another nurse station, five nervous interns was waiting. Bailey introduced Meredith to the interns and then left her. As she did, Meredith could swear that Bailey was smirking. She began talking to them, and remembered how Bailey had talked to her, a year ago.

" As you know, Izzie Stevens is going to be your resident but she is sick so I'm guiding you today."

"You mean you're babysitting." A short dark girl with curls flying everywhere spoke to her in a familiar sarkastic tone and she knew that she was going to like her.

"And you are?" Meredith asked her, using some of Baileys staredowns just to let her know who's in charge.

"Emelie Withe." You could see she was a smart young girl, probably a little too cocky for her own good but also someone you'd want to get to know.

Everyone else introduced themselves, finally the last person, a cute browned haired girl, which seemed familiar, introduced herself.

" And I am Lexie Grey." Meredith directly reacted to her name, and somewhere in her head, she remembered Molly (her halfsister) talking about her younger sister who was still in college, medschool. So the person standing right infront of Meredith right now must be her other halfsister. Though she hadn't reacted when Bailey introduceed Meredith, so she must have known that Meredith was working here, and that she was her halfsister. Or maybe she just took things like these better than Meredith.

A quick tour through the hospital, showing them all of the places they should know about, Meredith had a hurry to send them of, especially Lexie. She was still in some sort of chock, this was something Meredith was going to have to think about, and she could feel a brand new clump growing inside of her.

"Okay interns, now that you know all of the places and everything you need to know, you will be sent working for our Attendents. Elmonde, you'll be working for Dr.Sloan today."

Rich Elmonde, another cocky type in the gang. He reminded a little of Alex, who lived on looks and superficiulty. There for it was a good choice sending him to Mark, where he'd probably be broken, or at least not so confident and cocky anymore.

"Withe, you are observing on the cardio-floor. There are some confusments, seeing as Burke left, but you'll manage to find something to do." At that comment, Emelie scooted away. How much she reminded of Christina. Meredith smiled to herself as she rememered how naive they all were when they had started this program.

"Grey, you're with De.. Dr.Sheperd today." How odd it felt to call someone else what everyone calls her. Lexie would be fine in Neuro, Derek is a good teacher and the test scores shows that Lexie has got some serious brains under her apperence.

"And the rest of you are following me today." As Meredith still hadn't chose a direction, she could get all kinds of cases, depending on what comes in. The two boys didn't seem disappointed with that decision. In one of the boys, Thomas, she could see some kind of Izzie aoura, a kind soul that has the need to help others. The other, Josh, she could see a bit of George in him. He is the clumbsy guy who isn't to confident in himself. But all together he was a really cute guy, she could tell he was looking at her a little to much for his own good but Meredith was flattered.

As they were walking towards the ER in the hope of finding some good case, Josh closed up on her:

"So, you have just finished your first year here, is it as tough as the Chief lets on it to be?" Josh looked shyly in her eyes and Meredith smiled a warm, beautiful smile.

"Well yes and no. You really change, but it's a good change. And this is one of the top surgery-programs in the country so you got to always stay on you feet and be as competive as everyone else." The had reached the ER, and emidetly they heard the familiar sirene of an ambulance. One of the medicals pushing a big guy in on a gurney. There seemed to be no wrong with him, except for the over weight and the neck collor. "Maybe a carcrash victim." Meredith thought while approaching him.

"What have we got here?"

"36-yearold male, passed out at work. Co-workers called for an ambulance when he didn't responce, possible head trauma from hitting the table edge in the fall. Still unconsious .Bloodpressiour is extremly high but most symptoms directs on a tumour."

"Okay, Thomas, see if he's got any family to call and start a schart. Josh, page Dr.Sheperd and tell him to meet us at the MRI, and page someone from Cardio to, this guys colestrol must be skyhigh." Both of the interns hurried of and Meredith was left alone to push this heavy man of to the MRI. As she reached the transporting elevator, her breath was hard and fast and her muscles sored.

"Would you like some help with that?" A dark haired, good looking guy approached her and helped her push the guy into the elevator.

"He looks like half of his body index is pure fat. His heart must be all worn out from the clocked ateries."

She took a closer look at the guy that had helped her and saw that he was waring hospital scrubs, but she didn't rekognise him. Thoose big nut-brown eyes she would've remembered. He noticed her stares and said:

"Hi, Ethan Miles. It's my first day here. Preston had surely bragged about this place so I had to see it for my self. And then Richard offered me a position here, only a few hours before I've been here, isn't that a bit wierd. And then I saw you with this patient, it's like destiny." He smiled a warm smile that could charm everyone.

"So you know Burke and The Chief?" she replied and find this Ethan very relaxing to be with.

"Oh yes, me and Preston did our internship together. Funny how we both chose Cardio, although we are both such different people. I have been traveling through Europe to deepen my tekniques. Then when I decided to pay Preston a surprise visit, he left. And now I'm working in his position, how odd isn't that?" Meredith listened to him talk, he was very karasmatic and she couldn't do nothing else but to watch him. It wasn't like there was any attraction between them, it was just the feeling they created. Like they could tell anything to each other, which sounded very weird seeing the only just met.

"I'm rambling aren't I? I'm sorry, I doess that sometimes. It's just that..."He stopped, looking for words.

"I know..."she replied. They rode the rest of the elevator trip in silence, though not in an awkward sort, rather peacefully. Then the clock dinged and the doors opened, revealing the stressfull life of a surgeon.

"Well, here's my stop." Meredith said, breaking the silent.

"If I'm right about this guy, which I am, then I'm happy to help out on the case." He reached for something in his frontpocket of the scrubshirt and handed over a card that had his paging number on it."

"Yeah, you are probably right, thank you." She grabbed the card and was just about to walk away when she saw a very familiar asian woman strutting towards them.

"Christina!" She called. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supossed to have a day off? Has Izzie visit you?"

"I'm not some kid, I can take care of myself, and besides, as long as Bailey doesn't know I'm here, I might as well be here, saving lifes. And who are you?" She turned to face Ethan who had been staring at her. She had a sort of annoyed look on her face, which he found extremely charming."

"Ethan Miles, the new attending for the Cardioherastic floor. And who are you?" He held out his hand to shake but soon dropped it as Christina made no movement of taking it.

"I'm Cristina Yang, just started my residency here, acctually, I'm choosing Cardioherastic as my specialty. Tekniqally, I'm not supossed to be working today as it should have been my honeymoon." Christina didn't know why she told him this, it was somehing hypnotic about his nut-brown eyes, and she thought she saw a stab of hurt flash through his gaze at the mention of her honeymoon, but she had also said that it should have been her honeymoon and his warm gaze came back.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that but as an attending, we could probably find you something to do, you know. As a bandaid for everything." She almost said that she didn't need any comfort-favours but as she realised she could play on that and maybe get in on some awsome surgeries, she agreed and they walked towards the Cardio-floor.

The MRI wasn't far away, and standing there waiting was Josh. He watched in jealousy at Meredith and her new found friend, who was very goodlooking, exchanging cards, probably phone numbers. He was just to go intrud when, to his relief, an asian woman distracted the guy, apparently somebody Meredith knew, reading her bodylanguage. The goodlooking guy and the woman walked the opposite way and Meredith came towards Josh, struggling with the gurney.

"Here, let me help you" He offered and pushed the man into the MRI, enjoying the soft touch he got from her.

As Meredith sat down in a chair and Josh next to her, the pictures came up on the screen and they saw a huge tumour located on the upper-spinecord.

"See here how the tumour have grown around the nerves and are now starting to eat its way throug?" Josh leaned more closely as they enlarged the photo to really see how it had growed almost into the bone. The door opened and revealed Derek, and behind him Lexie Grey.

He stopped at the look of Meredith and Josh, sitting too closly together and felt the jealousy boil inside of him. Luckily, Josh didn't noticed anything, neither did Lexie, and both of the interns didn't know that Derek and Meredith had been together, loved each other. The interns had other plans, each of them wanted Meredtih and Derek. So the room was a bit tence when the four of them, all wanting the other one in the room.

"Dr.Grey you paged?" She spun around to look straight into his blue, calming pools and she had some truble answering the question as she lost herself in his eyes. Derek noticed that and teased a little.

"Dr.Grey, today preferably." He broke eyecontact and her brain started working like normal again.

"Um, 36-yearold male with a large tumour wrappet itself around one of the upper vertebra that's been eating up the nerves. As it looks right know, he requires surgery as soon as possible. But, considering his high bloodpressuer, I would like to do an EKG and talk to a specialist before booking any surgery, _Dr.Sheperd_."

Derek leaned closer to the screen, to Meredith, and gently pressed on her as he looked at the tumour. Lexie stood also and watched and leaned dangerously close to Derek and placed her arm very close to his as she looked. Meredith saw that and felt jealousy filling her up. It was obvious that Lexie was flirting with Derek, and she felt like a dog that marked her territory. Derek's cheek was only a bit from hers so she pretendended to look at the patient and stroked her own cheek against his. The small touch became unnoticed to the both interns but that little gesture made Meredith all warm and tingly. She wanted more, wanted to feel his breath on her, his soft fingers exploring her body, she wanted to take him right there. But she didn't. Instead ordered Josh and Lexie to get the patient and take him to a room. After the door had closed behind them, Meredith sighed and put her head in her hands. Then she giggled that sweet laughter that only she could make, the one Derek loves. When she looked up and met his eyes. There was something trubbling him, she saw that.

"What? There is something bothering you, I read you to well."

Derek thought about telling, weighed the pros against the cons and come to the conclusing that it was better to tell then for her to find out from somebody else.

"Remember when I told you I flirted with a girl in a bar... That girl turned out to be the same girl that stood right here a while ago. The girl that I assume to be your halfsister. Lexie Grey."

Meredith stared blankly at him for a moment. Lexie, her halfsister, was the girl at the bar. The girl that Derek had flirted with. Maybe she meant more to him? Maybe he would leave her now and start fresch with Lexie? As if he guessed to what she was thinking about, he said in a serious tone:

"I love you Meredith. I spent the whole morning thinking about you. She doesn't mean anything, she was just like a get-away from the problems we were having. I looked at her, really looked at her, and tried to find something that was as amazing as you, and I couldn't come up with anything. She is a beautiful girl, but not as beautiful as you. I love you, and nothing can take that away from me. All I need is for you to love me back, the whole you. Nothing else works, you have to put your heart and soul in this Meredith."

She walked up to him and stood closly, as if she was cold and he was her fire. And she wispered:

"I'm scared." He cupped his hands under her chin as kissed her softly, then he broke free and walked out from the MRI-room, leaving Meredith alone in the room. The one thing she was afraid of, to be alone. Perhaps that was why she didn't fully commited to their relationship. And as she realised that she would be alone of she blew this, no more Derek was inpossible to imagine. She made a decision...

The rest of the morning staggered by with delayed labs and chaos on the OR-board. She had barely seen Alex or Christina all day, everyone seemed to be busy with their own stuff. The whole hospital seemed to be overflowing with new faces, at the cafeteria, some new gang had taken over their old table, and she noticed Derek sitting with his laptop in a corner and she sat down beside him to eat her lunch.

"This is a pleasent surprise." He looked up at her and smiled.

"Yes, I thought I'd start eating with you." She answered and took a bite of her sandwich. "And you will have to put up with me, cause you will see me alot from here on." He shined up when he heard her say those words and grabbed her in his embrace. She snuggled in his neck, and she knew it was here she belonged. She could get hurt, but she could also have her fairytale ending, life is a game and you got to loose some to win some. She pulled her hand through Dereks hair and pressed her cheek againts his. So warm, and now she could do that whenever she would like to, because he was hers and she was his.

On the afternoon, Ethan cleared the fat guy, whose name was James, for surgery. Derek and Meredith worked together and got most of the tumour out so the operation was very succesful, then they put the interns on the post-up work.

Derek stands by a nurse station and writes on some patients schart when Meredith sneaks up on him from behind. She stands, with her frontside almost touching his back, and peeks over his shoulder to read what he's doing. She places her hand over his hand and strokes it gently. Derek looks up from the papers, happily surprised. She pecks him on the cheek and smiles a half sneeky smile.

"What?" He drops his paperwork and turns to face her.

"Derek Sheperd, will you go out with me?" She says it straight up and looks him in the eyes. Derek looks around and notice that both of the interns are intensly watching them with a mix of chock/horror/jealousy as they have heard every word Meredith said, and watched her hitting on him all open as if it wasn't a big deal. He turns back his focus at Meredith and smiles back.

"I'd love to."

"Great, I'm off at seven."

"I can probably get off then too, I'll meet you at the entrance?"

"That will be good." She turns to walk away but gets an impulse and wispers in his ear: "And afterwards, maybe we could go to my place?"

Then she turns and walks towards the elevator and disapears before he can reply. He glances over to the two interns, both in chock, Josh's fists in hard balls and Lexie with a hate look in her face. Derek chuckles loud and walks the opposite direction to his office, feeling not completly safe standing near the interns who seems ready to expload.

At seven o'clock, Derek meets Meredith at the entrance. Meredith, with her hair wildly loose and wairing a new, lavender perfume, shines up when she see him. "God you look beautiful!" he mumbles in her hair and takes in the new smell with much appreciation. "Where are we going?"

"I thought I'd show you a special zoo where I usted to go when I was little..." She takes his hand and leads him out to the summer night.


End file.
